A RANDOM WALK THROUGH THE GARDEN OF HUMAN SEXUAL DIVERSITY
YOUR INSTRUCTOR: KENNETH R. HASLAM MD
[email protected]
919 401 2295
I am a retired anesthesiologist with a long time interest in human sexuality -- especially why we all do it and no one talks about it. This class is to bring sex out of the closet and into the light of truth. Welcome, you are a risk taker!
My goal is to discuss human sexuality is ALL of its flavors without editing and this year we will have an added emphasis on aging and sexuality. So be forewarned, we will talk about sex in ALL of its flavors. It is perhaps a good place for you to push your boundaries and explore all those things your (mother, father, priest, teacher, friend) told you NEVER to talk about. You will be safe in this class........
If things come up for you that you are reluctant to discuss openly please feel free to write or call me for a private discussion. But be aware I am NOT at sex therapist, psychologist, or family/marriage counselor and can only offer some experienced, non professional advice. And I will not hesitate to refer you to whoever I think might be of more assistance. But you must start somewhere so feel free to start with me.
I do not have time in class to cover everything about sex so I encourage you to do the suggested but nonrequired readings and watch the videos to really get your money's worth.
****************************************************************************
ABOUT THIS WEBSITE: I have collected over the years materials on human sexuality I find of interest. I have put many in this site in no particular order and I encourage you to just look around and read whatever you find of interest. And I am not big on neatness so don't expect meticulous ordering.
OPENING SERMON (OR RANT?)
Most of us in this classroom have grown up in the 40, 50 60s and have had little or no truth based, age appropriate sex education. Moreover, most of us grew up at a time when sex was just not talked about in polite society. There was, and still is, a "Conspiracy of Silence” around sex. Sex is still the ELEPHANT in the Living Room that no one talks about. To show a public interest in sex (OR GOD FORBID – TEACH A SEXUALITY EDUCATION CLASS) can be easily be turned back on you with accusations of perversion or mental illness or creepiness.
If you grew up in a religious community things might have been worse. A Texan, Butch Hancock (whoever he might be) said: “Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in Hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.
Boy, talk about mixed messages!
For OUR AGE GROUP sex education for us was almost nonexistent We asked our parents for information and they didn’t know how to tell us and we made them embarrassed. (I REMEMBER MY FATHER TAKING ME AT AGE 12 TO THE LIBRARY AND CHECKING OUT A BOOK CALLED: “HOW SHALL I TELL MY CHILD”. I LEARNED NOTHING FROM IT. I ACTUALLY learned the facts of life in a pickup truck ON A COUNTRY ROAD IN THE SAN JOAQUIN VALLEY OF CALIFORNIA with an equally ignorant contemporary at age 14 reading Love Without Fear by Eustace Chesser (copyright 1947) I had bravely purchased from the local bookseller for about fifty cents. We were terrified our parents would find out. How many of you learned about sex from your equally misinformed peers or under the covers reading with a flashlight hoping your parents would not find out?
Today, truth based, age appropriate sex education is still rare. Parents are expected to provide sex education to their kids. But most parents of today have had no good sex education so how can they be expected to teach AGE APPROPRIATE truth based sex facts if they don’t know them.
This is the Catch 22 facing this nation right now. How can we teach our kids, and grand kids, about sex if we are uncomfortable talking about it and don’t know anything about it?
THIS TASK HAS TO FALL TO THE SCHOOL SYSTEM AND OUR TEACHERS NEED GOOD SEX ED CLASSES. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE UNITARIANS AND UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST OUR RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY FAILS MISERABLY IN TEACHING KIDS AND ADULTS ABOUT SEX.
I believe it is time in the 21st Century internet Age to bring discussion of human sexuality out into the light and study it with the same comfort you might have studying golf, or art, or history, or science, or even how to bake chocolate chip cookies. It is time to explore human sexuality as an academic discipline with the same curiosity and ease you would have exploring any topic of interest. AND WITHOUT SHAME, DISCOMFORT, OR CENSORSHIP!
TO QUOTE MY HERO ALFRED C.KINSEY: WE ARE HERE TO DISCUSS HUMAN SEXUALITY, NOT TO JUDGE IT. This is a look at what people actually do, not what they say they do, or what they say they should or should not do.
I'll have more to say ABOUT RELIGION, SHAME, GUILT and sexual repression as a societal control mechanism in a future class. Stay tuned.
Humans are driven by our sexuality from womb to tomb and you can't suppress this drive for very long before it pops up some place you would least expect. Our sex drive is all-powerful and it makes us do things society says we shouldn't do. Like watch porn in private, or visit a prostitute, or have a sexual fling at a convention and cheat on our spouses, or find ourselves attracted to a member of our own sex, or want to be tied up and flogged or urinated on. There are, By the Way, around 400 fetishes that some people need to get turned on. Every day we see politicians, and schoolteachers (even college professors), and nurses, and clergy, and physicians, and lawyers accused of inappropriate sexual behavior. What is going on here?
Marriage is in trouble. The divorce rate for first marriages is still around 50 % and that rate is worse for second marriages. And for people over 50 the divorce rate is creeping up. Many divorces are precipitated by sexual problems of one sort or another including not a little sexual infidelity. And so people are looking for alternatives to traditional compulsory monogamy and we will examine some of those alternatives such as swinging and Polyamory and “Designer Relationships” and maybe even BDSM -- kinky stuff like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadomasochism. The BDSM community, BTW, is huge.
RELIGION. Daring to criticize religion is forbidden. RELIGION IS A SACRED COW THAT CANNOT BE TOUCHED or even talked about. BUT because religion and sexuality plays such an important role in sex negativity and its accompanying poor mental health I feel it is vital to bring up this topic for a full and academic discussion. I am curious to see what a mature and well-educated cohort of my peers have to say about sex and religion in an uncensored academic environment.
This course is an experiment. I first taught a similar course in 2014 and things seemed to go well and several asked I teach again with an emphasis on sex and aging. There have been few (if any) OLLI courses talking about human sexuality much less talking about senior citizens talking about and having sex. This course is research on teaching human sexuality to OLDER adults who have never had much sex positive sex education. Like all research, we will have failed experiments. Some of my stuff will not work and I beg you to tell me about it. This is new territory and hopes to make it better the next time. I want to learn from my mistakes
And I thank Olli for such progressive thinking and taking a chance on offering a course on human sexuality.
One final thought -- I believe censorship or has no place in any truth based discussion of human sexuality and so EVERYTHING about human sexuality is on the table for open discussion in this class. If frank, open, honest sex talk offends you I beg you withdraw from this course.
But let me tell you of me observations over the years. I have found that if people are given an open forum to discuss sexuality without judgment the stuff just pours out. People can’t wait to talk about sex. Yes, really.
OH YES, I am not proposing or proselytizing or advocating that you do anything we talk about! And I am also not encouraging discussion of what is morally right or wrong.
We must “LISTEN CAREFULLY TO WHAT PEOPLE DO”.
NOT WHAT THEY SAY THEY SHOULD DO BUT WHAT THEY ACTUALLY DO. And in the area of human sexuality you cannot discuss what people actually do without discussing what people actually do.
[email protected]
919 401 2295
I am a retired anesthesiologist with a long time interest in human sexuality -- especially why we all do it and no one talks about it. This class is to bring sex out of the closet and into the light of truth. Welcome, you are a risk taker!
My goal is to discuss human sexuality is ALL of its flavors without editing and this year we will have an added emphasis on aging and sexuality. So be forewarned, we will talk about sex in ALL of its flavors. It is perhaps a good place for you to push your boundaries and explore all those things your (mother, father, priest, teacher, friend) told you NEVER to talk about. You will be safe in this class........
If things come up for you that you are reluctant to discuss openly please feel free to write or call me for a private discussion. But be aware I am NOT at sex therapist, psychologist, or family/marriage counselor and can only offer some experienced, non professional advice. And I will not hesitate to refer you to whoever I think might be of more assistance. But you must start somewhere so feel free to start with me.
I do not have time in class to cover everything about sex so I encourage you to do the suggested but nonrequired readings and watch the videos to really get your money's worth.
****************************************************************************
ABOUT THIS WEBSITE: I have collected over the years materials on human sexuality I find of interest. I have put many in this site in no particular order and I encourage you to just look around and read whatever you find of interest. And I am not big on neatness so don't expect meticulous ordering.
OPENING SERMON (OR RANT?)
Most of us in this classroom have grown up in the 40, 50 60s and have had little or no truth based, age appropriate sex education. Moreover, most of us grew up at a time when sex was just not talked about in polite society. There was, and still is, a "Conspiracy of Silence” around sex. Sex is still the ELEPHANT in the Living Room that no one talks about. To show a public interest in sex (OR GOD FORBID – TEACH A SEXUALITY EDUCATION CLASS) can be easily be turned back on you with accusations of perversion or mental illness or creepiness.
If you grew up in a religious community things might have been worse. A Texan, Butch Hancock (whoever he might be) said: “Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in Hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.
Boy, talk about mixed messages!
For OUR AGE GROUP sex education for us was almost nonexistent We asked our parents for information and they didn’t know how to tell us and we made them embarrassed. (I REMEMBER MY FATHER TAKING ME AT AGE 12 TO THE LIBRARY AND CHECKING OUT A BOOK CALLED: “HOW SHALL I TELL MY CHILD”. I LEARNED NOTHING FROM IT. I ACTUALLY learned the facts of life in a pickup truck ON A COUNTRY ROAD IN THE SAN JOAQUIN VALLEY OF CALIFORNIA with an equally ignorant contemporary at age 14 reading Love Without Fear by Eustace Chesser (copyright 1947) I had bravely purchased from the local bookseller for about fifty cents. We were terrified our parents would find out. How many of you learned about sex from your equally misinformed peers or under the covers reading with a flashlight hoping your parents would not find out?
Today, truth based, age appropriate sex education is still rare. Parents are expected to provide sex education to their kids. But most parents of today have had no good sex education so how can they be expected to teach AGE APPROPRIATE truth based sex facts if they don’t know them.
This is the Catch 22 facing this nation right now. How can we teach our kids, and grand kids, about sex if we are uncomfortable talking about it and don’t know anything about it?
THIS TASK HAS TO FALL TO THE SCHOOL SYSTEM AND OUR TEACHERS NEED GOOD SEX ED CLASSES. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE UNITARIANS AND UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST OUR RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY FAILS MISERABLY IN TEACHING KIDS AND ADULTS ABOUT SEX.
I believe it is time in the 21st Century internet Age to bring discussion of human sexuality out into the light and study it with the same comfort you might have studying golf, or art, or history, or science, or even how to bake chocolate chip cookies. It is time to explore human sexuality as an academic discipline with the same curiosity and ease you would have exploring any topic of interest. AND WITHOUT SHAME, DISCOMFORT, OR CENSORSHIP!
TO QUOTE MY HERO ALFRED C.KINSEY: WE ARE HERE TO DISCUSS HUMAN SEXUALITY, NOT TO JUDGE IT. This is a look at what people actually do, not what they say they do, or what they say they should or should not do.
I'll have more to say ABOUT RELIGION, SHAME, GUILT and sexual repression as a societal control mechanism in a future class. Stay tuned.
Humans are driven by our sexuality from womb to tomb and you can't suppress this drive for very long before it pops up some place you would least expect. Our sex drive is all-powerful and it makes us do things society says we shouldn't do. Like watch porn in private, or visit a prostitute, or have a sexual fling at a convention and cheat on our spouses, or find ourselves attracted to a member of our own sex, or want to be tied up and flogged or urinated on. There are, By the Way, around 400 fetishes that some people need to get turned on. Every day we see politicians, and schoolteachers (even college professors), and nurses, and clergy, and physicians, and lawyers accused of inappropriate sexual behavior. What is going on here?
Marriage is in trouble. The divorce rate for first marriages is still around 50 % and that rate is worse for second marriages. And for people over 50 the divorce rate is creeping up. Many divorces are precipitated by sexual problems of one sort or another including not a little sexual infidelity. And so people are looking for alternatives to traditional compulsory monogamy and we will examine some of those alternatives such as swinging and Polyamory and “Designer Relationships” and maybe even BDSM -- kinky stuff like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadomasochism. The BDSM community, BTW, is huge.
RELIGION. Daring to criticize religion is forbidden. RELIGION IS A SACRED COW THAT CANNOT BE TOUCHED or even talked about. BUT because religion and sexuality plays such an important role in sex negativity and its accompanying poor mental health I feel it is vital to bring up this topic for a full and academic discussion. I am curious to see what a mature and well-educated cohort of my peers have to say about sex and religion in an uncensored academic environment.
This course is an experiment. I first taught a similar course in 2014 and things seemed to go well and several asked I teach again with an emphasis on sex and aging. There have been few (if any) OLLI courses talking about human sexuality much less talking about senior citizens talking about and having sex. This course is research on teaching human sexuality to OLDER adults who have never had much sex positive sex education. Like all research, we will have failed experiments. Some of my stuff will not work and I beg you to tell me about it. This is new territory and hopes to make it better the next time. I want to learn from my mistakes
And I thank Olli for such progressive thinking and taking a chance on offering a course on human sexuality.
One final thought -- I believe censorship or has no place in any truth based discussion of human sexuality and so EVERYTHING about human sexuality is on the table for open discussion in this class. If frank, open, honest sex talk offends you I beg you withdraw from this course.
But let me tell you of me observations over the years. I have found that if people are given an open forum to discuss sexuality without judgment the stuff just pours out. People can’t wait to talk about sex. Yes, really.
OH YES, I am not proposing or proselytizing or advocating that you do anything we talk about! And I am also not encouraging discussion of what is morally right or wrong.
We must “LISTEN CAREFULLY TO WHAT PEOPLE DO”.
NOT WHAT THEY SAY THEY SHOULD DO BUT WHAT THEY ACTUALLY DO. And in the area of human sexuality you cannot discuss what people actually do without discussing what people actually do.
BOOKS and READING: Nothing is required but I can recommend several books if you choose to persue more in depth study of Human Sexuality.
My Choices:
Great Sex by Michael Castleman --An older book (2008) written by a professional writer that somehow seems to have been missed by the greater population of those interested in sex education. Well written and very detailed. Cheap as a used book. Don't miss this one.
The Guide to Getting It ON -- Paul Joannides PhD My number 1 choice, especially if you you have children or grandchildren. This book just needs to be where the kids will find it. It is full of good solid information about sex written for everyone in nonmedical terms.
The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 -- Joan Price This is a new book and my reading of an advance copy indicates that this will be the book of choice for the 2015 course in Sex Education for the Senior Citizen. Although she is not a physician or trained sex educator she is well read and has compiled a major work that will serve as a primer for anyone interested in sexual expression by the elderly. She has extensive references if you want to pursue a topic of interest.
Sexual Intelligence -- Marty Klein
Sex and God -- Darrel Ray A beginners book that takes a very hard look at the religious community.
Naked at Our Age -- Joan Price Aging and sexuality written by a mature woman who looks at many of the difficulties of being sexual in the Golden Years.
Sex at Dawn -- Christopher Ryan This book is a best seller for those who want to gain more insight into why humans are not monogamous. Although the societal default is monogamy, few humans actually remain monogamous over a lifetime. Ryan explores nonmonogamy as an academic and provides some valuable information for those who are considering opening their relationships.
My Choices:
Great Sex by Michael Castleman --An older book (2008) written by a professional writer that somehow seems to have been missed by the greater population of those interested in sex education. Well written and very detailed. Cheap as a used book. Don't miss this one.
The Guide to Getting It ON -- Paul Joannides PhD My number 1 choice, especially if you you have children or grandchildren. This book just needs to be where the kids will find it. It is full of good solid information about sex written for everyone in nonmedical terms.
The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 -- Joan Price This is a new book and my reading of an advance copy indicates that this will be the book of choice for the 2015 course in Sex Education for the Senior Citizen. Although she is not a physician or trained sex educator she is well read and has compiled a major work that will serve as a primer for anyone interested in sexual expression by the elderly. She has extensive references if you want to pursue a topic of interest.
Sexual Intelligence -- Marty Klein
Sex and God -- Darrel Ray A beginners book that takes a very hard look at the religious community.
Naked at Our Age -- Joan Price Aging and sexuality written by a mature woman who looks at many of the difficulties of being sexual in the Golden Years.
Sex at Dawn -- Christopher Ryan This book is a best seller for those who want to gain more insight into why humans are not monogamous. Although the societal default is monogamy, few humans actually remain monogamous over a lifetime. Ryan explores nonmonogamy as an academic and provides some valuable information for those who are considering opening their relationships.